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Being dramatic, but it's true

Why people judge me, even though they don’t know nothing about me. Or think they do. Even I, can’t understand myself.

Sigh. Sighing is all I can do and do best when my mood is down. When my mood is down, I keep asking myself “What’s my purpose in life?” I spend uncountable hours, days, months or maybe years, trying to find the answer. Day by day I have been experiencing more and more miserable, but not that miserable, moments. Not long ago, I’ve come up with the answer I have been searching, simple but if you put a little effort into thinking you will realize that it isn’t that simple- I have none. I don’t know why and what am living for? I don’t even know my aims for the future.
Like any day, my daily routine would be:
* Waking up late
* Spending time being online
* Be late for school
* After school – dinner and wash the dishes
* In my room pretending to study, but be online again till all lights in the neighbourhood are switched off . Like seriously, I’m not joking.
That’s it. Simple list of my simple daily routine.
I just feel soulless. I pretend that I give shit about anything, all my smiles would be by force and it would be rare, me being truly happy. In stupidly-teen-like language I would say my life is made of three letters like W, T and F.
Everyone would describe me as a naïve, cheerful, childish, friendly, nice girl…at times those who really aren’t close with me would say I am nasty and “evil”. Okay I admit the word ”evil” is a bit exaggerating but I needed to prove my point. Anyways, I am glad to pull that kind of personality. Gotta admit, they can really be easily fooled.
Now I know you won’t agree the following things. I am a really not-so-sociable person, always have the blank or cold expression on my face, even though I am only 16-17 years old I am really mature and wise-like inside. Easily annoyed by small things that are caused by human stupidity. I can be hypocrite sometimes but I still need to prove my rights and points. In the real world or cyber world I would always cover by pretending being bright and energetic, but I got to admit I can be nice and I mean the “true” definition of nice if you feel me. But being too nice, people take advantage of you, you know and I am sure you already know that.
I have never really felt loving someone even thought I say I love them. I don’t even love my parents. For many reasons and you might know them. I barely talk to them even thought we live under the same roof. Even at times when I talk to them, will always end up being fighting and being scolded. I treat them as if they don’t really exist for me. And… my friends? I don’t know if they really are my friends… by friends I understand people who are being honest, nice and all that stuff. Sometimes, to be honest, I don’t like having friends. They never know how I feel and the pain I am experiencing. I am already suffering enough to care if I have friends.
Did I mention I rarely felt true happiness? Do you even know what is happiness? Well if you don’t, I googled it up and the answer is “Happiness is a state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.” That is something I experience once a decade… again exaggerating but you get the point. The only thing that would make me happy and feel happiness is, I know this is ridiculous, it’s a 9-girl-member group called Girls’ Generation /SNSD; SoShi/ even thought the happiness is only temporary. Oh and maybe another thing that makes me temp. happy is my friends jokes, that from one point of view its idiotic but oh well.
Now now, don’t you even think about describing me with the word “emo”. That word doesn’t even exist. Don’t belive me? Look it up in your PAPER dictionary, not online dictionary. -____- In my dictionary it has a different definition for music thought o_0
To sum things up: I am not what you think I am if you “think” you know me. And I noticed that I have been writing crap all along. I am going to finish with this: I may have fears but the biggest fear for most people is not a fear to me. I am not afraid of dying. Everyday I expect Death to come and take my soul.

Dream Concert 09 - SoShi biased :D

If you are reading this and you are or NOT a SoShi aka Girls' Generation fan, you should totally check this video/fancam:

As you can see, SoShi [aka Girls' Generation] totally received some awesome major cheering and....Taengoo [the leader of the group] cried in the end ^^ Last year, Dream Concert 08 many fans of Super Junior [E.L.F] and DBSK's fans [Cassio..smt] haha :D gave the girls a silent treatment... stupid tardheads -.- BUT this year.. haha SoShi totally rocked most of them ^^ man i was so touched hearing those cheers T-T

On a side note, i totally loved the new outfit the girls wore and the..boots? kinda haha..but WTF with the furry things on their shoulder/neck >_> shiiizzzz their stylist doesn't have a taste haha

...and here we go!

Okay so....okay... this would be my 1st entry? yeah.
Ahm.. I don't know exactly is Live Journal and all, but someone wanted me to make one...so yeah here >_> i hope you are satisfied.
I guess i have to keep this thing up to date and all....

Oh yeah baby, this would be the place im going to complain, bitch about and rage 8D rofl

P.S.-  I love Girls' Generation/ SNSD/ SoShi ♥ ♥ ♥


Chani T. Dang

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November 2009


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